Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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