I wannas sexs uuuuu
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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