Kiss
Puke
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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