i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
