I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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