just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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