Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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