the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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