i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize