you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
