I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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