guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
