distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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