Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Buhtt sex?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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