I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
