This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
