I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
