I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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