Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
