She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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