So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
