I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
