I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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