somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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