I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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