Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
