I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
