at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
