i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
