he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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