Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize