so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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