What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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