she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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