That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
