I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
