He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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