I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
