You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
