things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
