Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And then he peed in my hair
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
