I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
