Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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