ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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