Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
