When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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