Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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