Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
