id be glad to
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
