Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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