The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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