Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
