I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
