Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
