you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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