I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
