So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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