dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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