Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
