It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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