How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
