He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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