i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize