But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
